Dave’s Football Blog

Sure, we have dozens of modern variations on the game of football, but it’s become almost impossible to get people to play anything other than the most popular football codes in their home country. Thankfully, this hasn’t stopped people from trying.

Case in point: Scuffleball. Apparently, some guy from West Virginia thought it might be fun to create a variation of rugby which featured an instant scrum-like contest — or a “scuffle” (natch!) — after every tackle and legal forward passes that were still live if they hit the ground. At least, I think those are some of the rules, but I can’t say for certain, since the Official Scuffleball Rules & Regulations page has more dead links than a sausage factory.

According to the web site, the “National Scuffleball Association” — and I would venture to guess that this is a one-man association — is looking to organize test matches in Tampa, FL, and Waco, TX. Whether anyone has actually shown an interest in this remains to be seen.

I know for a fact that this fellow West Virginia native has an uphill battle in getting anyone to notice his football code. I, too, took a shot at creating a new football code, and nobody but Lionel Messi wanted to play. On the other hand, the word “Scuffleball” does appear in Wikipedia, so I guess that’s a start.

(What? Yes, I was born in West Virginia — Fairmont, to be exact. Why do you think I’m such a huge Steelers fan? All the local stations on cable were Pittsburgh stations.)

First the Jamaican, now this. I’m telling you, folks, Saturday was a fantastic day in the history of this new football code.

It’ll catch on, people. It’s only a matter of time…

I spotted this at the end of the first half of a Chile-Jamaica friendly. Looks like at least one Jamaican seems to like my silly little Punch Football idea…

(Sorry for the lousy video quality. I’ll get a proper video capture set up one day, I promise.)

From the start of this relaunch, my contention has always been that all the world’s football games are nothing more than man-made games with man-made rules. We created these games, we agreed upon the rules to these games, and we can change those rules any time we want.

And we do. Football didn’t just drop out of the sky in all its current forms. Football codes constantly change and evolve over time. Football today looks much different than football 100 years ago, and it will look completely different 100 years from now.

Sometimes by changing those rules, though, we create new and different games. Hell, rugby alone begat lots of different football codes — rugby union, rugby league, American football and Canadian football. Each of those codes has variations as well. Both union and league have rugby sevens variations. American football begat things like Arena Football and Six Man Football.

So we’re going to make our own football variation today. Continuing on a theme from this post, we’re going to take the current Association football game and make one alteration — limited use of hands.

I’ve written before about the precedent for this — the old Northeastern game of ballown, which was popular in the early 19th century. Ballown allowed you to advance the ball with either your feet or your fists. That’s what we’ll allow in this game, but to bring it in line with modern football, we’ll eliminate the blocking and mass formation plays prevalent in ballown, because we don’t want to get anybody killed. In fact, let’s take the existing laws of the game from FIFA and simply add this rule:

Handling of the ball is permitted for players not designated as goalie under the following conditions. Players are not permitted to:

1. catch the ball,
2. carry the ball or balance it on the hands or arms in any manner,
3. handle the ball with an open palm,
4. strike the ball with two hands at once, or
5. handle the ball while it is on the ground.

Any of the above violations shall result in a free kick for the opposing side.

And just like that, you’ve got a 19th-century American football game revamped for the 21st century.

We should do something about the name, though. “Ballown” isn’t going to work. Too old-fashioned. So let’s give it something with a little more flair: punch football. It’s bold, it’s catchy, it sounds a little violent, and it gets to the heart of the game itself — the ability to punch the ball as well as kick it. Perfect.

Is this intended to replace soccer? Of course not. Did rugby league replace rugby union? Did either of those codes supplant Aussie Rules in the land down under? That continent has leagues for four different football codes, and even with all those leagues, some Australians still choose to play American football — just like some Americans choose to play Aussie Rules here. Punch football is merely another alternative code for you to try. Who knows? You might actually have some fun playing it.

I want to see an entry for punch football in Wikipedia by the end of the week, people. I also want to see some people give punch football a try. Organize a pickup game or two, and report back to me about how (and how much) using your hands changes the game. Perhaps one day, you’ll be looked at as pioneers of a great 21st century football game.

Or you’ll be looked at as a bunch of wankers. Hey, lots of people thought John Heisman was a wanker for promoting the forward pass. Where’s his name now?