Dave’s Football Blog

It’s always football season somewhere.

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And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor…

November 17th, 2009 · 2 Comments

Billy Mays.

DO YOU SUFFER FROM FREQUENT MUSCLE INJURIES!? DO YOUR LIGAMENTS SNAP LIKE UNCOOKED SPAGHETTI!? LOOKING FOR A WAY TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET FAST!?

HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR EQUUS GEL, THE ONE OF A KIND RUB THAT MAGICALLY HEALS ALL YOUR MUSCLE AND LIGAMENT INJURIES FAST! IF YOU’VE BEEN KNOCKED DOWN, EQUUS GEL WILL GET YOU BACK ON YOUR FEET FAST!!!

THE SECRET OF EQUUS GEL IS ITS SPECIAL SERBIAN FORMULA MADE FROM THE PLACENTA FLUIDS OF HORSES! BECAUSE HORSES RUN FAST, AND WHEN YOU USE EQUUS GEL ON YOUR INJURED MUSCLES, YOU’LL BE RUNNING FAST, TOO! JUST APPLY EQUUS GEL TO THE INJURED AREA, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOU’LL BE BACK ON YOUR FEET IN NO TIME!

BUT DON’T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT! CHECK OUT THIS SATISFIED CUSTOMER!

Robin van Persie

“Equus Gel got me back on my feet fast!”

NAYSAYERS WILL TELL YOU THAT EQUUS GEL IS JUST JUNK SCIENCE THAT DOESN’T WORK! BUT LOOK AT ME! I’M DEAD! AND EQUUS GEL GOT ME BACK ON MY FEET AND SHOUTING AT ALL OF YOU AGAIN! ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!

EQUUS GEL IS NOT AVAILABLE IN STORES! BUT CALL NOW, AND YOU’LL GET TWO BUCKETS OF EQUUS GEL FOR ONLY $29.95! BUT WAIT! IF YOU CALL WITHIN THE NEXT HOUR, WE’LL THROW IN TWO MORE BUCKETS ABSOLUTELY FREE! THAT’S FOUR BUCKETS OF EQUUS GEL FOR ONLY $29.95!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, THE WORLD CUP!? CALL NOW!

Tags: Association Football

2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jeff // Nov 17, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    When I first heard this story, I immediately thought of Tom Cruise promising to eat his baby’s placenta. Perhaps Robin van Persie is a member of some bizarre breakaway sect of Scientology?

  • 2 Jeff H // Nov 19, 2009 at 2:01 am

    And this, Dave, is why you are in my bookmarks, and one of my favorite football blogs.