Dave’s Football Blog

My pal Bomani Jones of 620 the Bull in Durham has this concept called “Ski Mask All-Stars” — athletes who manage to get big-money contracts without actually earning them through their performance. After yesterday’s events in Charlotte, I think it’s pretty clear who the captain of the Ski Mask All-Stars is:

The Carolina Panthers signed Jake Delhomme to a 5-year, $42.5 million deal last April, three months after he threw six, count ‘em, six interceptions in a home playoff loss to the Arizona Cardinals. But hey, the Panthers went 12-4 and won the NFC South, right? Surely that tank job against the Cardinals was merely a blip, right? Right?

Uh, no.

To be fair, I turned the game off midway through the 2nd quarter, after the first two interceptions and the sack, fumble and Eagles touchdown. I was faced with a choice: head out to a beach filled with attractive women in bikinis who wanted to dance with me, or stay in and watch Delhomme continue to shit the bed. Gee, let me think about tha–*click*.

Because I knew. When Bad Jake shows up, he’s there for the whole day, and after nine picks in two big games, it’s starting to feel like he’s here to stay. Panthers fans sure think so. Did you hear all the cheers for the Eagles rising above the boo birds in Bank of America stadium? Even money says those Philly fans bought their tickets from Panthers season ticket holders who gave up after Jake got that contract.

Those Panthers fans knew like I knew. This has all the earmarks of a long and ugly season in Charlotte. Six picks in a playoff game is a stench that stays, and when Delhomme stole all that money from John Fox and Marty Hurney, we knew it wasn’t going away — especially when, after yesterday’s suckfest, the Panthers chose to stick with Jake. He didn’t just steal the money. He made the victims thank him for mugging them.

What are the options? Josh McCown clearly wasn’t the answer, and now he’s out with a knee injury. Plus, nobody seems to have any confidence in Matt Moore, despite the fact that Moore has a better winning percentage as an NFL starter than anyone named McCown ever. At least one blog was quick to point out that Jeff Garcia is available, and Carolina could use McCown’s injury to justify that signing, even if Garcia has that Vinny Testaverde old-car smell about him.

At this stage, though, Garcia sure looks like a beach full of hotties when compared to another afternoon of Bad Jake. All I know is if I ever have to negotiate a big money contract, I want Delhomme’s agent on my team. He’ll just walk in with a big-ass pistol and shout, “Stick ‘em up!”, and I’ll get what I want.

UPDATE: Adam Schefter just tweeted that Josh McCown was put on injured reserve. Jeff Garcia’s phone will ring in 3, 2, 1…

UPDATE 2: Looks like Garcia’s phone rang already. He’s an Eagle again.