Jan 28 2007
Opportunity Knockers
If you’re going to be a shameless opportunist in the 21st century, you only need three things: a little internet savvy, and very large breasts…
Meet Sarah Spain, just an ordinary Chicago girl who loves her Bears, right? She loved ‘em enough to rewrite the Super Bowl Shuffle — an idea that got picked up quickly by our friends at Kissing Suzy Kolber. It seemed innocent enough, right?
Oh, no. Sarah Spain couldn’t stop there, especially with all the boys starting to drool over her cleavage-bearing Myspace photos. She took it one step further and auctioned herself off on eBay. Yes, you could actually give this chick money to take her to the Super Bowl. Of course, you had to have the tickets in hand already, and those probably cost you tens of thousands of dollars, but hey, it’s the Super Bowl, and she has D-cups, and since when did logic ever apply to the Internet, anyway?
Naturally, the sports blogosphere went into overtime with this story. With Leather picked it up and kept running with it. KSK followed suit. Then the FanHouse got a hold of it. Hey, any excuse to post a picture of a cute girl who loves her some football, right?
Well, guess what? The story got so much blog exposure that somebody who could actually do something finally gave her what she wanted. The Axe body spray people hooked Sarah up with four tickets, and now she’s giving one of them away to one lucky (and presumably male) fan. Oh, and she’ll be appearing on the last hurrah of Sports Bloggers Live, too.
In fact, I’m pretty sure we can expect this bombshell to show up in a lot of places in Miami. After that, we can probably expect a photo shoot in either Maxim or FHM. And would you look at that? She’s a comedic actress, too. That bit part on Scrubs is just around the corner, isn’t it? Or maybe she’ll just keep taking matters into her own hands and start her own video podcast. Hey, look, a hot chick talking about sports, and she’s kinda funny, too! That should get Adam Curry throwing Podshow money at her faster than you can say, “Soccergirl Incorporated.”
We may talk big and blustery about how the blogosphere is changing the sports media landscape and giving untapped talent a new voice, but Sarah Spain knows what most sports bloggers like me really are — just a bunch of horny, lonely guys looking for new wank material. And when a hot, busty girl next door in a Bears jersey shows up to give us some… hell, we’ll all just line up to be used, won’t we?
Congratulations, Sarah. Your “crazy little plan” worked. Now you get to be famous and fabulous, while we get to keep toiling away at our little blogs, drawing a few hundred regular readers (if we’re lucky) and continued scorn from Bristol. I’d ask you not to forget about the little guys who helped you begin your quest for fame, but I’m pretty sure you already have.
RSS Feed
I checked out her myspace page and just about puked. I’m sorry, but unless you’ve been in the game or studied the game of football, you should probably keep your opinions to people who want to listen. Yeah, she’s nice to look at, but she’s not a sports analyst. Her real interest is the attention she draws from her large sacks- not her sports knowledge.