Dave’s Football Blog

Greg Gall took off running in Cincinnati. This guy just stood around, waiting to get hit.

That pretty much sums up the Bengals and Browns this year, doesn’t it?

UPDATE: Deadspin found video. Make with the clicky…

So I didn’t actually watch Monday Night Football last night. Some friends called me and challenged me to a Galaga showdown at the local putt-putt range, and I had to answer that challenge by wiping the floor with their sorry, no-double-ship asses. Nobody beats me at Galaga.

Then we went back to this one girl’s house and watched an Arrested Development DVD on her parents’ pimped-out Samsung DLP set. The Super Bowl party may be at her house this year…

Was anyone else bored out of their skulls by that Monday Night Football telecast last night?

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”
Seriously, I recorded the game and watched some of the coverage this morning. (I took the week off from my day job.) For a show that prided itself on bringing Hollywood to the NFL, this was total dullsville. All they showed to highlight the last 36 years were a few sound bytes and one halftime montage that fell flat. No celebrities in the booth, no arguments between analysts — no wonder The Mouse is moving this show to ESPN. Monday Night Football isn’t compelling enough for network TV anymore.

Dennis Miller may have been all wrong for this show, but at least he tried to make it interesting again. John Madden gives MNF nothing. He’s a Sunday afternoon guy, and he doesn’t do the job on a Monday night. What’s worse is that Al Michaels is a terrible foil for Madden. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have more chemistry than Al and John. If it were really Monday Night Football, TomKat would be in the booth with those two promoting a movie and pretending they know what football is.

Bringing John Madden to Monday Night Football really made it just another game. That’s why it’s moving to ESPN and why Madden isn’t joining them. I won’t miss MNF on ABC. I won’t miss MNF at all, really. Neither will anyone else who has cable or satellite TV. All I hope is that they throw out Hank Williams, Jr., with the move. And Tim McGraw. And Kid Rock. I don’t love that highlight reel.

Updated 12/27/2005

TIEBREAKERS:

None

What we know: Indy is the #1 seed. Denver is the #2 seed. Cincinnati is the AFC North champion and needs a win to keep the #3 seed. New England is the AFC East champion and needs a win and a Cincinnati loss to move up from #4 to #3. Jacksonville is the #5 seed.

All that’s really left to determine is the last Wild Card spot, and right now, The Steelers are in good shape. A win at home against the Detroit Lions confirms them as the #6 seed. The Chiefs can only get into the playoffs if they beat the Bengals, plus the Steelers lose to the Lions and the San Diego Chargers lose to the Broncos.

Why is the San Diego game important? If it comes down to tiebreakers, the tie is broken within the division first, and the Chargers beat the Chiefs based on their record against common opponents — 8-4 vs. 7-5. (Those losses against Dallas and New York ultimately ruined the Chiefs.) Then San Diego and Pittsburgh would be in a tiebreaker, and since the Steelers beat the Chargers on Monday night, their in.

So if the Chargers beat the Broncos in San Diego on Saturday afternoon — quite likely, in fact, since Denver has nothing to play for — the Wild Card race could be over, and the only thing left to decide is whether the Pats can jump ahead of the Bengals and get the #3 seed. Kinda boring, actually. Just like that last Monday Night game on ABC…

THIS WEEK’S BIG GAMES

1.) Denver at San Diego (Sat., 4:30 PM, CBS): This is the lynchpin for the rest of the weekend. If Denver decides to show the Chargers who’s boss, that would put the last Wild Card spot in play on Sunday.

2.) Detroit at Pittsburgh (Sun., 1:00 PM, FOX): The Steelers couldn’t ask for a better season-ender than this. They’re already 3-0 against the NFC North, and the Lions are arguably the worst team in that division. I predict a party.

3.) Cincinnati at Kansas City (Sun., 1:00 PM, CBS): The Bengals may be in the playoffs already, but they don’t want to go into the playoffs with two straight losses, especially if it means facing the Jaguars instead of the Steelers in the first round. Larry Johnson will be a formidable challenge for the Bengals’ run defense.

4.) Miami at New England (Sun., 1:00 PM, CBS): As cliche as it sounds, this game is the Dolphins’ Super Bowl. A Patriots win and a Bengals loss would give the Pats a better draw in the playoffs. I don’t think anyone really wants Jacksonville in the first round.

Updated 12/16/2005

TIEBREAKERS:

1.) Tampa Bay wins conference record tiebreakers over New York and Carolina.

What we know: The #1 and #2 seeds are set, as Seattle and Chicago have clinched first-round byes. The Giants are in the playoffs, but they haven’t clinched the NFC East just yet. The rest is still up in the air.

If the Panthers end up missing the playoffs, it’s because their run defense fell apart when they needed it the most. They let Cadillac Williams run over them for 112 yards in a loss to Tampa Bay, and Julius Jones made them look just foolish, gaining 194 yards in a Cowboys win in Charlotte. Take away those two performances, and the Panthers probbaly have the NFC South clinched already. Now, though, they have to go to Atlanta and play a Falcons team that may have no shot at the playoffs but will be more than happy to play spoiler.

Carolina needs a win to clinch a playoff berth. They need a win and a Tampa Bay loss to win the NFC South. The Bucs play the Saints at home. I don’t think Carolina’s going to get a home playoff game this year. Just as well: They’ve lost their last two at home against potential playoff teams.

As for the East, the Giants’ season won’t end on New Year’s Eve, but they haven’t won the division yet. A Giants win or a Redskins loss will do the trick. A Redskins win will put them in the playoffs, and a Redskins win plus a Giants loss gives Washington the division. The Cowboys, meanwhile, need a win and a Redskins loss to make the playoffs. I think there are other scenarios where they get in, but computers may be involved, and as the college game reminds us every year, that would suck…

THIS WEEK’S BIG GAMES:

1.) Carolina at Atlanta (Sun., 1:00 PM, FOX): The Panthers shut down Señor Mexico before. They’ll need to a repeat of that performance in Atlanta. It’s been a while since Carolina’s won a game in Atlanta…

2.) New Orleans at Tampa Bay (Sun., 1:00 PM, FOX): Tampa Bay earned this one. Who on Labor Dya would have expected these guys to have this good a shot at a home playoff game?

3.) N.Y. Giants at Oakland (Sat., 8:00 PM, ESPN): If this game is still going on at 11:30, Regis might be standing in Times Square saying, “What? The game’s on! Cut to commercial!”

4.) Washington at Philadelphia (Sun., 4:15 PM, FOX): I know the Eagles can still get up for division rivals, but this is a team that lost to Arizona last week. Sheriff Gonna Getcha will probably run all over these guys.

5.) St. Louis at Dallas (Sun., 8:30 PM, ESPN): The Cowboys’ hopes for the playoffs could be gone before they even kick off. Good thing the Rams are coming to town. Dallas could use a punching bag by then.

Some observations on limited viewing of the Xmas Day action:

Can some Packers fan out there please explain to me why nobody in Green Bay wants Brett Favre to retire after this season? Did you watch Favre today against the Bears? He threw four interceptions and tried to force the ball into places where it just wouldn’t fit, thinking his riverboat-gambler style could still work on a team of third- and fifth-stringers. (Green Bay picked up Rod Gardner off waivers and snatched Noah Herron off the Steelers’ practice squad. They’d inquire about Terrell Davis’ availability if there were more games left this season…)

Yes, Favre was great before, and you figure if Mark Brunell could have a good season after he looked so terrible last year, Favre could do that, too. Maybe he can. The Packers, however, desperately need to rebuild, and nobody rebuilds around a 36-year-old quarterback. Yes, it will hurt some of you to see Favre in another uniform, but it didn’t stop Emmitt Smith, Jerry Rice or Joe Montana, did it? It’s not like he won’t go into the Hall of Fame as a Packer, right?

Anyway, the Bears won, clinching the NFC North and a first-round bye. The game was so engrossing that I found myself switching between that and America’s Funniest Home Videos most of the time. That tree-climbing dog had better moves than Antonio Chatman.

I didn’t tune into the Vikings-Ravens game until late, and not until I went to NFL.com, checked out the live stats and saw these numbers for Kyle Boller:

17 for 23, 180 yards, 2 TD

Wow. Guees he had a breakthrough with that sports psychologist a few weeks ago. Maybe they got to the bottom of what really happened between Boller and Jeff Tedford. The mental scars must have run pretty deep. Maybe that’s why Packers fans don’t want Favre to retire; Aaron Rodgers is a Tedford guy…

Can someone explain to me why the Vikings didn’t use any timeouts in the last three minutes? They let the clock run down past the two-minute warning and gave themselves only 1:49 to overcome what became 7-point deficit. Did Mike Tice think he could save them for next week or something?

Two plays into the Vikings’ two-minute drill, the Ravens defense forced Checkdown Charlie out of the pocket and knocked the ball out of his hands. Then the Ravens offense got the Vikes to use up all their timeouts before putting another 3 on the board. Minnesota’s eliminated. Our pal Peter did not has probably had better Christmases than this.

Boller’s final line: 24-for-34, 289, 3 TD, 1 INT. The week before: 19-for-27, 253 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs. One is an accident, two is a trend, three would be a Brian Billick ego trip. Just remember — Boller is doing this against NFC teams…

I meant to get to the Santa-the-Pimp suit Michael Irvin wore on NFL Countdown this morning. How a suit like that slipped my mind makes me wonder what’s wrong with my brain. Irvin must have been saving that bright red get-up all year for this weekend…

…or did he just call up Paul Shaffer and ask to borrow that oversized jacket the CBS Orchestra leader wore on Friday night’s Late Show Christmas special? I swear, they were the exact same jacket. The only thing different between the two was that Irvin didn’t do his impersonation of Cher singing “O Holy Night.” I suppose we can be thankful for small favors…

With 15 seconds left in overtime, Matt Bryant kicked a 42-yard field goal to win the game for Tampa Bay and put them back in control of the NFC South.

Took ‘em long enough. Both teams missed field goals in OT, and for a while, it looked like we’d be talking about a playoff scenario with a tie in it. In the end, though, Chris Simms proved to be the more effective QB when it mattered most. I’m not surprised at that. You?

The Original Steakhouse & Sports Theatre has all but cleared out now. Those Browns fans are drinking themselves into an Xmas Eve stupor, and most everyone else is headed home to be with family. As am I. I’ll see you guys again on Monday. Hope you all get what you want tomorrow…

Leave it to the Rams to ruin it for everyone by sucking.

San Francisco upset the Rams in St. Louis, 24-20, which puts the #1 pick back in the hands of Houston, who lost 38-20 to Jacksonville. The Jags clinched a playoff berth with that win and a San Diego loss today, while the Texans are one loss away from getting their all-important #1 pick.

As for the 49ers, they fell back into the pack with all those other 3-win teams and may not even get the #2 pick. Oh, and the 49ers swept the Rams with that win. That Mike Martz magic lingers, even when he’s not there…

While things may have gone wrong for the Panthers, just about everything went right for the Steelers today. They got 209 yards rushing, and both Ben Roethlisberger and Charlie Batch got TD passes. Willie Parker finished with 130 yards on 17 carries.

Meanwhile, Kansas City knocked off San Diego at home, 20-7, and Jacksonville beat Houston, 38-20. That means that all Pittsburgh has to do is beat Detroit on New Year’s Day, and they’re in the playoffs with the #6 seed. Who they would play may still be in question, too. Cincinnati was upset at home by the Bills, and next week the Bengals have to face a Chiefs team that’s come back to life and needs a win and a Pittsburgh loss to make the playoffs. The #6 could still go to Foxboro before it’s all said and done.

Still, it was very good day for Steelers fans. The only thing that would make me happier is finding Jenn Sterger under my tree on Xmas day.

What an ugly finish.

Billy Cundiff missed a 33-yard field goal with a minute left, but Dallas caught a break when Julius Peppers, who broke through the line but whiffed on the block, was flagged for running into the kicker. Cundiff flopped, Joe Nedney-style. I hate when kickers do that.

Three plays later, Drew Bledsoe found Terry Glenn in the end zone, giving Dallas a 4-point lead with 23 seconds left. Jake Delhomme took two long shots down the field, but both came up empty. Jake looked really bad out there today, completing only 14 of 30 and not looking anything like a Pro Bowl QB, even by NFC standards.

Meanwhile, the Panthers’ run defense was shredded today by Julius Jones, who got 194 yards on 34 carries and rushed for 2 TDs. Jones knocked the Panthers back on their heels, despite Julius Peppers’ excellent pass rushing and special teams play.

This was golden opportunity missed for the Panthers today. They have now lost two straight at home, and depending on the outcome of the Bucs-Falcons game, which just went to OT, the Panthers may need help to win the NFC South and get to the playoffs. The sweet tea taste in my mouth just went sour…

M. Barber 6 20 0 10
D. Bledsoe 1 0 0 0